1.
Really funny blog of "Fake" Steve Jobs. Sometimes I think he's really Steve Jobs just pretending to be fake so he can say all these nasty things :D
Some of my favorite posts (with quotes):
...Bono has got like this total Irish temper and plus he's had a few and he's like, Fook this, mate, I'm gonna stick this fooking Aston Martin up this fooker's arse! So he floors it and in like a nanosecond we're right on this guy's rear bumper with our high beams on and then, I can't believe it, Bono hits the guy...
...In walk the Clintstones with George Soros. No smiles, no small talk. Hillary sits down and tells us in this pissed off Tony Soprano voice that there’s two years till this motherf-ing election but she ain’t gonna f- it up like Kerry and Gore, she’s gonna lock this motherf-er down now, she’s goddamn well gonna win and nobody is gonna get in her way, so we can all either get on the train or get run over by it, and she's here to tell us how much money she wants each of us to put in. She says everybody else pays their share, hell the oil guys pay 5% of net right off the top, meanwhile we're out here making our little chips and paying zilch, and that bullshit is gonna stop right here and right now, okay? And we can all check with George Soros on the way out and he'll tell us how to move the money so it can't be traced, using a bunch of these phony baloney environmental groups...
...Her big tactic is just to repeat things over and over in this monotone voice, to wear you down -- it's a Japanese business tactic, they all do it -- and so she starts going on for the millionth time about how she wants to guard John's legacy and what a precious gift to the world he was, and for a while I'm agreeing and trying to be all Zen about it, and Yoko is giving me the Zen right back, and we're both working our Zen and trying to be more passive aggressive and monotone and repetitive than the other one, and finally I just snapped and I'm like, "Jesus friggin Christ, bitch, it's bad enough you broke up the greatest band of all time. Now you're gonna frig this up too? Jesus, lady! Get a friggin grip! It's just a distribution deal!" She bows her head and says, in this voice that's barely more than a whisper, "I will pray for your soul." Well that did it. I won't get into details -- my lawyers won't allow it -- but let's just say that Yoko had to wear sunglasses in public for a few days, and Peter Oppenheimer had to drag me out of there by my ankles...
2. If you have iTunes, try to subscribe to the Ask A Ninja video podcast (or just watch it from the site). It's free and funny as hell.
Some of my favorite episodes (with quotes):
Back in the day
Oh I KNOW you did NOT just ask me that. You are NOT even calling me out on the old skool tip. Man, I keep it real like a banana peel! Ninja please.... I say it, play it, and slay it (but never spray it) so SMOOTHLY cause I was there back in the day!...
Writer's Strike
...Plus, Writer's Guild doesn't sound like a very intimidating foe... I'm just spitballin' here.. How about "The Supreme Blood Fang Force"? Or, how about "The Dragon Claw Fire Horde"?
If "The Dragon Claw Fire Horde" comes to me and asks for 4 cents, I think I'm gonna give it to them...
Coincidentally I just found this clip of my two favorite shows going head to head:
Busted!
Namaste. Peace out.
I look forward to killing you again soon!
:D
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